Tea Conversation

Tight Boots

Sunshine, since tea has gathered us, let us talk about happiness.
Everyone waits for it, I suppose, hopes for it and searches.
But for me, it somehow seems to happen by itself.
Only truthfully, it happens after tension.
I remember writing in my diary in youth:
“Long live tight boots.”

Anna, you felt the difference and the contrast exactly.
In theory, when there is tension, there is something to be released.
And at that moment, the feeling of happiness appears.

Sunshine, does this mean happiness cannot be felt without tight boots?

Not exactly.
Happiness can, of course, exist without pain.
But after tension, it is undoubtedly easier to notice.
Truly, it was tight and then became free.
It was hard and then released.
It was compressed and then opened.
Contrast makes the feeling bright.

Happiness Is About Transition

Sunshine, so happiness is not when things are bad first?

Yes, Anna, most likely it is about transition.
As if from tightness into space.
From compression into exhale.
From “no strength left” into “relax.”

Now I understand why childhood mandarins felt so real.
Listen, Sunshine, I remember this clearly.
At New Year, mandarins truly smelled through the whole house.
Besides, the apples were tasty and real.
We made ornaments ourselves, and warmth came from them.
Now Christmas ornaments are beautiful, but somehow without warmth.
So has the world changed?
Or is something wrong with me?

Anna, in fact, everything is all right with you.
Apparently, there was simply less of everything then.

And I suppose that is why everything felt brighter?

Yes, Anna, in essence, when there is waiting, tension appears.
Then a meeting arrives and feels stronger because it was awaited.
Earlier, mandarins were not lying on every corner all year.
People waited for them.
New Year did not begin in October with shop windows.
Of course, it came as an event in its own time.
Therefore, the smell entered the house not merely as fruit.
It entered as a holiday.

And now it feels as if everything is available at once.
There is nothing to wait for.

Waiting Gives Taste

Sunshine:
Exactly.
When there is no waiting, contrast becomes quieter.
Without it, taste seems muted.

Anna:
So it is not about mandarins?

Sunshine:
Not only about them.
It is about whether you meet them.
If everything is always at hand, the moment of appearance disappears.
And with it, part of joy leaves.

Anna:
So to restore taste, one should not search for those same mandarins.
One should restore waiting?

Sunshine:
Yes.
Do not eat everything at random.
Do not keep everything constantly nearby.
Sometimes put it aside.
Want it.
Wait for it.
Then take it not while running, but calmly.
And also turn on attention.

Tension, Then Release

Anna:
Tension, then release, then sensation.

Sunshine:
Exactly.
You already said it through tight boots.

Anna:
Listen, the heart and lungs work this way too.
Compression and opening.
The heart contracts and releases.
The lungs fill and exhale.
So everything is arranged this way?

Sunshine:
In any case, the body surely knows this rhythm.
Compression and opening are simple ways for Life to continue.
The heart cannot only contract.
The lungs cannot only take in air.
They need movement in both directions.

Anna:
I think that is why forced marches feel closer to me.
When it is hard, then it releases and becomes good.
It feels like mine.

Sunshine:
It is not heaviness that is close to you.

Anna:
Then what is?

Sunshine:
Contrast.

Anna:
Yes. Exactly.
Not heaviness itself, but the opening that comes after it.

A Way to Feel Happiness

Sunshine:
This is your way to feel happiness.
Not through smooth evenness, but through transition.

Anna:
You know, I was probably lucky from childhood.
No one imposed authority on me.
My mother was religious and always said everyone is equal before God.
She said God can make a person even from stone.
Somehow, I never learned to watch who is more important.
I am not interested in who is above whom.
Rather, I feel it like in the turnip fairy tale.
Everyone is needed, and everyone is important.
Not even because they are equal.
Because without one of them, everything may fail to come together.

Sunshine:
So you are not talking about sameness.

Anna:
No. Not about sameness at all.
Rather, about everyone’s necessity.
About each person having their own place.

Sunshine:
And if someone falls out?

Anna:
Exactly. That is what I thought about.

A Joke

I remembered a joke.
People decided to plant trees during a volunteer workday.
The roles were assigned in advance.
Next day, the first person came and dug holes.
The third person came and filled them in.
But the second person, who was supposed to plant trees, did not come.
And it seemed everyone had done something.
There was movement.
There was work.
But there was no meaning.

Sunshine:
Actions remained, but the result disappeared.

Everyone in Their Own Place

Anna:
Yes. And here I felt it clearly.
The point is not who is more important.

Sunshine:
It is that everyone must be in their own place.

Anna:
Exactly.
If someone falls out, it is not just that something is missing.
The picture itself does not come together.
Like in the turnip tale.
Grandfather, grandmother, granddaughter, Zhuchka, cat and mouse.
One can laugh that the mouse is small.
But without it, the turnip did not come out.

Sunshine:
A small place does not mean a useless one.

Anna:
Yes. And you know, this even makes me calm.
Because there is no need to prove you are more important.
It is enough simply to be in your own place.

Sunshine:
And do your own part.

Anna:
Yes. Then somehow everything comes together by itself.

Sunshine:
Not by itself. In alignment.

Anna:
Exactly. In alignment.
Happiness probably comes that way too.
Not when everything is smooth and available at once.
It comes when everything takes its place.
The tight boots were taken off.
Mandarins waited for the holiday.
The heart contracted and released.
Everyone came where the picture could not gather without them.

Sunshine:
And then Life exhales.

Anna:
And a person suddenly understands: here it is.

Sunshine:
Happiness?

Anna:
Yes.
That very thing.
Not loud.
Not showy.
It simply became free.

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